An excerpt..................

I am in a very special place today. Spiritually and within! It was perfect from the moment I woke up. It was raining. Slow steady rain that soaked into the ground. Its consistency was so calming. The sound so full of peace and godliness! The raindrops cleansing and nourishing the earth!

I stayed in bed much longer than was generally accepted; I made a cup of herbal tea and took it back with me. I sunk into a host of comfortable pillows whilst reading “Rebecca’s Tale,” the continuance from the famous du Maurier book. The rain persisted whilst my morning turned into afternoon. Sometimes I would stop reading to look outside and my mind would wander. I was drawn back to Manderley and the original story that had been the catalyst to my precious daughter’s name. The characters were resurrected and this story intrigued me as much as the original had.

It is evening now and winter is around the corner. The afternoon drifted by; I stacked some of the fire wood that had just been delivered but the rain made that a thankless task. I drove into town to fill my fridge with fresh produce and added a couple bottles of Vin rouge.
The cottage is cosy, warm with the fire that burns blazing on the hearth. The room is aglow with all the candles that flicker steadily. I have turned all the lights off and have retreated to a century ago. A time of simplicity and peace! Andrea Bocelli’s voice streams from the player, the only reminder that there is electricity. His passion evokes my emotions and tears stream down my face……….I don’t know why I cry. But I do. I cry often. There is still such a strong feeling of sadness in my heart. I mourn for the loss of my little mummy. I mourn for the loss of my two beloved pups, now together and hopefully waiting for me to join them one day. I mourn for the love I never had. The man that could not love me! It is a big thing to admit and I know it is good that I am here. Instinctively I knew I had to find some place, some time for solitude. There is a slow healing within. And it gives me strength. I find joy in every day.

I am living in France. Sometimes I have to pinch myself…….some may say a mammoth move to “find yourself!” and it was. It took all my energy to pull this off. My life here is full of solitude and whilst I miss my close loved ones intensely I relish this time for me. But it was meant to be! I am surrounded by a dream of ancient chateaus and history that appear in my daily life! The surroundings are like medicine to my soul. I drive by stone walls built 1000 years ago and shop in markets on cobble stoned streets from the days of the Revolution. I have become decidedly “chubby,” I border on buying new jeans but draw the line there, so I struggle into them laughing how it really doesn’t matter! In a country that offers nearly 500 different cheeses, pates and pastries to tempt the most ardent raw foodist and wines cheaper than water, you live and enjoy each mouthful; each morsel and wait impatiently for the next meal to come. It is apparent I needed to find myself again. I couldn’t do it at home. Only my closest will know how I threw myself into life’s daily agenda, keeping myself busy and being “so capable.” Deep down I knew my tank was running on reserve. Something had to change!

The candles flicker occasionally and the fire burns steadily. The peace within this tiny cottage leaves me utterly content. The glow in this room is pure magic. As Andrea’s voice fills the room with “E Chiove” I take a long deep breathe and close my eyes to listen to the music and I know I am going to be ok.

Excerpt from “Finding my soul in France”